How family violence affects babies and children

Family violence tends to be a pattern of behaviour that builds over time. People of any age, income, sexuality, social background, culture or religion can be affected.

Family violence can involve partners, ex-partners, parents, siblings, carers and other extended family members. Family or domestic violence affects children because they are surrounded by uncertainty and fear.

Many parents believe they can shelter their children from violence, but this is unfortunately untrue.

Children can experience family violence in different ways:

• they may be shouted at, or threatened
• they may see or hear fighting, crying and yelling
• they may see someone getting hurt or get injured themselves

Family violence can affect an unborn baby. The baby may be injured in the womb due to the impact of physical violence.

Family violence can cause physical and emotional harm to children. This can show up in different ways. It may affect their:

• emotions — they may find it difficult to understand and regulate their feelings
• behaviour
• social and general development
• education

Babies and toddlers may:

• be unsettled — this may cause excessive crying, sleeping problems or feeding problems
• be easily startled, anxious and clingy
• have reduced interest in familiar people, toys and activities
• be aggressive when playing with others
• have delayed developmental milestones

School-aged children may:

• have trouble controlling their emotions (for example, they may have mood swings, be aggressive or feel anxious)
• have poor concentration
• refuse to go to school
• not play with friends
• go back to behaviours they had when they were younger (such as bedwetting or not wanting to go to sleep)
• have physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomach aches

It's a normal response for children who have been exposed to family violence to be scared and angry.

If you are worried about a child that may be exposed to family violence, read about signs that a child may be experiencing abuse.

Remember that if you are experiencing family violence, it's not your fault. The person who is being violent is responsible for their actions and harm they are causing.

Talk with your child about the situation and their feelings. Let them ask you questions.

Make sure your child knows it's not their fault or their job to try and stop the violence or to protect you. Children often feel responsible for keeping their parent and siblings safe.

You can help your child by providing structure, warmth and emotional support. Positive support from other trusted adults and siblings is also helpful.

You can talk with your doctor, child health nurse or a support organisation — see below.

Some signs that a child's parent may be experiencing domestic violence are:

• they seem quiet, scared or nervous in front of their partner
• they say their partner is checking up on them a lot, including phone calls, texts and emails
• their partner criticises or puts them down a lot
• they seem to be trying to please their partner too much
• they have bruises, injuries or broken bones
• they seem isolated from family and friends
• they say they don't have access to money, or their partner controls their money
• they seem to be limited from going to places by their partner

They might also wear long sleeves and trousers in hot weather. Or wear heavy makeup and sunglasses to cover bruises.

If you think an adult is experiencing family violence, speak with them when they are by themselves. Speak to them in a safe place with enough time for a chat.

You may not be able to help much straight away but keep offering support. Let them know you believe them, want to help, and are also concerned about their baby or child.

Tell them about the support service options (see below). Tell them that you will go with them to the support service if they would like you to.

It's important to help the parent who is going through the abuse. You can also help them if you are a grandparent, friend or community member. Supporting them will also help their baby or child.

If you are in immediate danger, call triple zero (000) for police and ambulance help.

Support organisations and helplines:

• 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) — is a national sexual assault, family and domestic violence counselling line for any Australian who has experienced, or is at risk of, family and domestic violence and/or sexual assault.
• Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 for crisis support.
• Kids Helpline is for anyone aged 5 to 25 years — call 1800 55 1800.
• 13YARN is the first national crisis support line for mob who are feeling overwhelmed or having difficulty coping. Call 13 92 76.

You can also talk to your doctor or maternal and child health nurse.

Other languages

Health Translations has information on family violence in languages other than English.