Why is it important for my child to make friends?

Having friends is important for everyone.

Friendship is a supportive relationship that may help your child overcome challenges in their life. Making friends is also an important part of their development. Learning to get along with friends can build your child's:

• self-esteem
• confidence
• sense of identity and belonging

It can also teach them important skills, such as:

• social skills
• how to manage their emotions
• how to be respectful and caring
• how to share, take turns, and manage conflict

Friends are also important for physical health. Playing with friends often involves physical activity.

Children can have different types of friendships, including:

• best friends
• friends they play with in a group
• one-sided friendships

How do young children make friends?

Some children will find it easier to make friends than others. One child might love being around other children. Other children may prefer to watch rather than join in.

How young children make friends will also depend on their age and development.

Babies and toddlers

Babies will start to take notice when another baby is around. They will laugh when being social and will respond to familiar faces.

When your child is a toddler, they will start to respond to the emotions of others. They may try to soothe someone who is upset.

At first, your toddler will play in the same space as other toddlers, but they may not interact much. As they grow, they will start to play with others.

As they gain language skills, they will form relationships.

From 3 to 5 years old

Children often meet others at playgroup or childcare. They might play with different children each day or have a particular friend. Some friendships may be one-sided.

They will share and cooperate with other children. They may start to play structured games that involve rules and responsibilities.

Some children may develop their social skills through having imaginary friends.

Older children

Older, school-age children will start to form lasting, supportive friendships.

As they grow, your child will become more understanding of any differences between them and their friends. School-age children will also learn to deal with conflict.

How can I help my child make friends?

Children need different skills to make friendships last, like practicing how to:

• share
• listen to others
• deal with conflict

Some of the ways you can help your child learn to get along with others include:

• showing them how to take turns at home
• playing games with them so they can learn how to follow the rules
• teaching them that it is OK to lose at games
• showing through your own friendships what it means to be a good friend

Teach your child how to listen to others and understand other people's feelings. You can make up scenarios and how they might make people feel. You can teach them how facial expressions and body language can mean different things.

Teach your child to talk to others by encouraging them to:

• learn to introduce themselves
• make eye contact and take turns when speaking
• be curious and ask questions
• listen to what the other person likes
• talk about things that they like

You can create space for your child to interact with others and practice making friends, like:

• organising play dates
• taking your child to meet others at a park
• enrolling your child in activities like sport or drama

How can I help when friendships go wrong?

Parents often worry about their children's friendships. It's common for children to come home and say that:

• they don't have friends
• no-one likes them
• they have fallen out with a friend

There are ways you can help.

When your child is playing with a friend, watch out for conflict. Try not to step in straight away. Your child needs to learn how to manage their friendships by themselves.

You can help your child learn to manage their emotions. Teach them what feelings are, and teach them that expressing their emotions, good or bad, is better than hiding them.

Help them to recognise when they are getting upset or angry and teach them to:

• take deep breaths
• think about how they are feeling
• think about how their friend might be feeling
• think calmly about what to do next

If your child has a fight with a friend, talk about what happened. This can help them understand why they or their friend is upset. You can role play ways to talk to and make up with their friend. Help them learn that everyone makes mistakes. Make sure they know it is also OK to take a break.

What if my child is struggling to make friends?

If your child is having trouble making friends, they might:

• appear anxious
• not eat their lunch
• avoid day-care or school

To help them, you can:

• ask them how they are feeling
• encourage them to tell you if they are having friendship troubles
• work to build their self-esteem
• teach them how to play with other children
• urge them to keep trying and practicing social skills

Some things can make it harder for your child to make friends. They may:

• have special needs or a disability
• have a different cultural or linguistic background
• be new to the area or a migrant

There are some ways you can help:

• Find ways for your child to interact with their community. You can visit your local council website for information on children's activities and events.
• Encourage your child to do activities outside preschool or school. Things like sports can help build connection with other children.
• Help your child engage with their culture or embrace their differences. This can build their identity and confidence and help them make friends.
• Teach your child different ways to communicate with other children.
• Support your child if they struggle to fit in. Remind them that they are loved.
• Attend your local playgroup to help your young child socialise. You can also connect and get advice from other parents.

You can find a playgroup near you on the Playgroup Australia website.

You can also talk to your child's teacher. They can help your child at school. They can also talk with you about how the preschool or school can help your child feel included.

If you're concerned about your child's friendships or social skills, talk to your doctor or a child health nurse.

What if my child does not want to make friends?

If your child shows no interest in playing or making friends, you can seek support. While every child is different, their developmental years are important. If you have concerns, talk to your doctor or a child health nurse. They can support you and help your child if needed.

What if my child has an imaginary friend?

Your child may have a friend who is not really there. It could be:

• someone they already know
• a character from a story or movie
• an animal
• a completely imaginary creature
• a stuffed animal or toy

Imaginary friends are often a normal part of development. Some studies show that 60% of children have an imaginary friend at some time in their lives. Children may have imaginary friends from about the age of 2 through to their school years. The 'friendship' usually lasts for at least a few months.

Your child might create an imaginary friend to help them:

• explore an idea, feeling or role
• solve problems
• develop social skills
• build creativity, such as through fantasy play
• manage their emotions and express their feelings
• have someone to play with or give them comfort

It's important that your child learns to be friends with other children and not just their imaginary friend. Some children may develop an imaginary friend after they have gone through trauma, or if they have special needs. You can talk to your doctor if you are concerned about your child.

Resources and support

You can visit the Kids Helpline website for more tips for children on making friends. You can also call them on 1800 55 1800.

LifeEd Australia has resources for parents and carers including advice on making new friends.