Helping your child deal with their emotions

Emotional development is when you learn:

• what feelings and emotions are
• how and why your feelings and emotions happen
• how to know your own feelings
• how to see other people's feelings
• how to take care of your feelings

Emotional development is a complex task that starts in infancy.

Emotional development is important for your child's emotional wellbeing.

Emotional wellbeing is one part of good mental health and wellbeing. Good mental health and wellbeing enables your child to thrive in their early years and as they grow older.

Children with good social and emotion development:

• are confident
• communicate well
• have good relationships
• persist with challenging tasks
• do better at school
• develop the skills to succeed in life

Strong emotional development may also help your child to become resilient.

Your baby may be able to show:

• anger
• fear
• joy
• sadness

As your baby gets older, they will develop more complex emotions like:

• elation
• embarrassment
• empathy
• pride
• shame and guilt
• shyness
• surprise

Self-regulation is the ability to control your attention, thoughts, emotions and behaviours.

You can do this even when there are other distractions.

Babies are not able to self-regulate.

Self-regulation in pre-school children is related to better:

• social competency (ability to navigate their social world)
• school engagement
• academic performance

Your child will have a period of rapid self-regulation development between the ages of 3 and 7 years.

Early self-regulation development is affected by both your biology and your environment.

Toddlers and pre-schoolers are just beginning to learn about their emotions and how to take care of them. Their rate of emotional development will vary from child to child.

Your child may show a high level of emotional skill development while they're quite young. Or your child may still show behaviours such as aggression and emotional outbursts. But over time they will learn to handle their emotions better.

They will also learn what situations are likely to upset them. This learning continues as your child gets older.

Learning to self-manage their emotions helps your child to feel more confident, capable and in control.

This will help them to pay attention and learn new things. It will also help them to build stronger relationships and cope better with the normal stresses of daily life.

Will my family's background affect my child's emotional development?

Your cultural background is an important factor when thinking about your child's emotional development. This is due to differences in beliefs between different cultural groups. These influence how your child learns to express their emotions.

The amount of stress that your family is under can also influence your child's emotional development.

You can help your child learn how to manage their emotions by teaching them:

• problem-solving and decision-making skills
• strategies to use when they're feeling out of control
• ways to manage upsetting situations
• how to express their emotions in other ways — like by drawing or acting out their feelings
• the immediate and long-term consequences of their actions

It's also important to acknowledge and react to emotional communication from your child.

You can help your child develop empathy by talking about emotions and how people may react differently to events.

Using picture books and videos can be a helpful way to teach your child about emotions. Reading a book together also offers a chance for you to teach your child about emotions.

When your child is young, you can help them manage their emotions by holding and rocking them.

As your child gets a little bit older, they will be able to calm themselves down from low-intensity feelings. But you will need to help them manage bigger feelings by co-regulation.

What is co-regulation?

Co-regulation is where you need to step in and help your child to calm down. You can support your child to feel safe and calm through connection and nurturing.

As your child gets older, they will be able to calm themselves down most of the time (self-regulate).

It's important to be aware of your own emotions before trying to co-regulate. You cannot calm your child if you're also upset.

How should I respond to tantrums and meltdowns?

A tantrum is when your child loses control of their feelings and behaviour. They can't calm themselves down or think about what's happening.

When your child has a tantrum, you need to stay with them. You can help them to manage their feelings.

It also helps them build trust, feel secure and learn that big emotions can be managed.

Tantrums are scary for your child and can be scary for you too.

There are things you can do to help lower the number of tantrums your child has. Read more about temper tantrums.

Here are 6 things you can do to help your child with emotional regulation difficulties.

1. Routine — a predictable day can help reduce emotional regulation difficulties.
2. Good sleep — your child needs a good amount of good quality sleep. If they have problems sleeping, speak with your doctor or child and maternal health nurse.
3. Healthy diet — this is important for good health.
4. Physical activity — this helps with brain growth and emotional regulation.
5. Sensory play — this will support emotional development.
6. Role play — this lets you and your child act out situations that may be upsetting them.

How can I support my child to talk about their emotions?

You can talk with your child about ways to deal with strong and uncomfortable emotions. You can also role model how you manage your own feelings.

If you are concerned about your child's emotional development, it's important to get help early. You can talk to your doctor or child health nurse about where to get parenting help and support.

They might refer you to a:

• counsellor
• psychologist
• early intervention service
• paediatrician (children's doctor)

You can visit Parentline (Opens in new tab) for parenting help and support.

The Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) is a parenting education and support program. They run courses online and through local organisations across Australia. Contact Triple P (Opens in new tab) to learn more.

The State Library of Queensland has some suggestions on books that can help your child with big emotions (Opens in new tab).

Moodies (Opens in new tab) is a series of short videos produced by the ABC which help children name and understand their emotions.

Visit the Health Translation (Opens in new tab) website for information on temper tantrums in languages other than English.