Deciding to give a baby or child up for adoption

Adoption is permanent.

When you give a baby up for adoption, it means you are cutting all legal ties to your child. The baby's adoptive (new) parents will be their legal parents. The baby will have their surname (family name) and inherit their property. You will give up all legal rights and responsibilities for the child.

Adoption is a big decision, but there are plenty of support available to help you decide what's best for you and your child. A good place to start is by talking to

• a social worker at the hospital where you give birth
• adoption services in your state or territory

Intrafamily adoption describes the adoption of a child by a step-parent or relative.

Adoption is a legal process. Each state and territory has its own adoption laws, so the process is slightly different depending on where you live.

If you are thinking about adoption for your baby, it's important to get as much information, advice and counselling as you can. You can do this before your baby's birth, but nothing will be confirmed until after the baby is born. There are also other options you can consider.

Understanding adoption

The intent of the law is to ensure you fully understand adoption before you give consent for your baby to be adopted. You can't give consent for adoption for a period of about 30 days after the baby is born. The exact time period depends on which state or territory you are in.

Before you give consent for the adoption, you must:

• complete pre-adoption counselling with a registered counsellor
• read mandatory information about adoption

You can express your preference regarding the type of family you would like to adopt your child — for example, their religious and cultural background, age, and whether they are a couple or in a same sex relationship.

Giving consent

Both of the baby's birth parents must sign a consent form for the adoption. The father has the same legal rights to the child as the mother. Both parents have a right to take part in the legal process, can provide medical information and can express an opinion about the adoptive parents.

A parent's consent might not be obtained if:

• there is a risk of harm to you or the baby
• the baby's father is unknown
• the baby was conceived as a result of a crime
• the parent does not have the capacity to consent

After you sign the consent form, both parents have a period of time in which to change their minds. This is usually around 30 days, depending on which state or territory you are in. During this time, your baby will usually be cared for by foster parents. You can see the baby during this time, if you want to.

If you change your mind during this period, you can formally revoke consent. The adoption agency can advise you how to do this. If you revoke consent, arrangements will be made to return the child to you, and you will retain full legal responsibility (unless the child is under the care of child protection services).

If you don't revoke consent, the baby will go to their adoptive parents after this period. The adoption is now legal, and you can't regain legal rights to the child.

Developing an adoption plan

An adoption plan allows the child, the birth parents and the adoptive parents to keep in touch with each other after the adoption. This is called 'open adoption'.

You can decide how much contact you are comfortable having with your child and their adoptive family. Adoption services in your state or territory act as the go-between, and can will help you develop the adoption plan.

There are things to think about for your adoption plan:

• Will you know each other's names?
• What information will the adoptive parents have about you?
• How much information will you have about the child as they grow up (such as important events in their life and any health issues they develop)?
• Will you contact each other? If so, how often?
• How will you communicate with each other?
• How will the adoptive parents tell the child they were adopted and help them understand the situation?
• If you are an Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander or from a particular ethnic or cultural background, how will the adoptive parents help the child stay connected to this community?

Your child's name

After your baby is born you must register their birth name. This will be their legal name until the adoption.

Adoption services will discuss the name with the adoptive parents. They will discuss keeping the child's first name (given name), but the child will usually take their surname (family name).

Information for your child

Children who have been adopted often like to know about their birth parents. This includes who you are, your medical history, and your reasons for adoption. You may be asked for some personal information to give your child in future.

In most states or territories, adopted children are able to request access to identifying information about their birth parents when they are over 18 years of age, or at a younger age with their adoptive parents' consent.

Whether you have just found out you are pregnant or you have already had a baby, you don't have to decide right away.

You can't legally sign consent for adoption until at least 30 days after the baby is born. After you provide consent, you still have a few weeks when you can change your mind.

Giving a child up for adoption will have lifelong consequences both for you and the child, so it's very important to make an informed decision.

Before you make up your mind, there are some important things to think about.

• Do you fully understand what adoption means and how it works? Have all your questions been answered?
• Have you considered all your alternatives, such as keeping the child with support from your family or friends, or fostering the child until you are ready to look after them? Which is best for you and for your child?
• What does the child's other parent think? If they do not agree with the adoption, they may be able to apply to a court to care for the child instead.
• How will you feel? What are the long-term emotional effects of giving your child up for adoption?

Even if you don't think you can raise a baby, there are many alternatives to adoption you could consider:

• Getting financial support: If financial issues are affecting your decision about whether to have your child adopted, remember that there is plenty of government support that can help you. This includes child support and the National Disability Insurance Scheme, if your child has a disability.
• Shared care: Someone in your family or wider network may be able to share care of the baby with you.
• Foster care: A foster family can look after the baby until you are ready to care for them. This is also known as out-of-home care. The aim is to restore the child to your care when you are ready, if this is in the best interests of the child.

If you are considering adoption for your child, you may like to discuss your thoughts and feelings with:

• your partner
• family members
• friends
• other trusted people
• local community organisations that offer help to pregnant women and parents
• a social worker

No one should pressure you to make a decision. You should only consent to adoption when you are completely sure you are making the best decision for you and your child.

You can also get support and information from:

• adoption services in your state or territory (see below)
• your hospital social worker
• your doctor
• Lifeline 13 11 14
• Adopt Change provides information, guidance and support on giving children a permanent home (including through adoption)

Considering adoption for your child can be difficult and emotional. You might feel afraid, shocked, angry or sad. You might worry about telling other people. After the baby is born, you might find it hard to imagine being separated from them, even if you believe adoption is the best decision for both of you.

Parents who give a child up for adoption often feel isolated and alone, especially if they don't talk to anyone about it. Although you may find it painful to talk about the adoption, consider sharing your feelings with your family, friends or a professional. It can help you process your feelings.

Some parents feel pain, regret and grief after giving up a child for adoption. If you feel this way, you may benefit from ongoing support and counselling. Other parents feel sure that they did the best thing for their child.

You may be able to have some contact with your child and follow their life. This is helpful for some parents, but not for others. Everyone is different.

You can get further support and information about adoption from:

• Pregnancy, Birth and Baby, call to speak to a maternal child health nurse on 1800 882 436 or video call. Available from 7 am to midnight (AET), 7 days a week (including public holidays).
• Parentline Counselling Service, a confidential counselling service. Call 1300 30 1300 between 8 am and 10 pm, 7 days a week.
• Lifeline. Call 13 11 14.
• Adopt Change provides information, guidance and support on giving children a permanent home (including through adoption)

You can contact adoption services in your state or territory below for information about the adoption process:

• ACT
• NSW
• Northern Territory
• Queensland
• South Australia
• Tasmania
• Victoria
• Western Australia

Post-adoption support services provide long-term support after an adoption is completed. Some services have been developed to specifically support parents or children affected by forced adoptions.

• ACT: Community Services
• NSW: Benevolent Society
• Queensland: Benevolent Society
• South Australia: Relationships Australia
• Tasmania: Forced Adoption Support Service
• Victoria: VANISH or Forced Adoption Support Service
• Western Australia: Adoption Research and Counselling Service Inc (arcs)
• NT: Central Australia Women's Legal Service

Looking for information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people?

The NSW Department of Communities and Justice provides information for Aboriginal people on adoption.