Experiencing a pregnancy loss
11-minute read
Trigger warning for sensitive content — this article discusses pregnancy loss, which may be distressing. If you feel distressed, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 for help and support.
Key facts
- Pregnancy loss (also called ‘miscarriage’ or ‘spontaneous abortion’) is when a pregnancy ends naturally before the baby can survive outside the womb.
- Losing a baby at any stage of pregnancy can be very challenging.
- Different people react differently to pregnancy loss — you may feel a wide range of emotions, such as shock, anger, sadness, guilt or relief.
- Pregnancy loss may affect your relationship with your partner.
- Seek counselling or support if you feel overwhelmed or your grief doesn't ease over time.
What is pregnancy loss?
Pregnancy loss is when a pregnancy ends naturally before the baby can survive outside the womb.
It is also called ‘miscarriage’ or ‘spontaneous abortion’.
It can happen at any stage of pregnancy and for a range of reasons.
- Early pregnancy loss happens in the first trimester of pregnancy. It is the most common type and often happens because of a problem with baby’s development.
- Pregnancy loss after 20 weeks of pregnancy is called ‘stillbirth’. This can happen due to problems with the umbilical cord, infections or health issues affecting the parent.
Pregnancy loss is common. Up to 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage before 20 weeks of pregnancy. Some people may experience more than one loss.
Speak to loved ones or other people who have experienced pregnancy loss. You can also ask your doctor or midwife to help you find more support.
What are the emotional effects of pregnancy loss?
Pregnancy loss can have a strong emotional impact. It can leave you feeling grief, sadness, guilt and fear about the future. These feelings are normal, but they can be overwhelming.
Feelings you might have
You might experience a wide range of emotions including:
- shock and confusion
- numbness and emptiness
- grief and sadness
- guilt
- anxiety and fear
- loneliness and isolation
There is no right or wrong way to feel. Your feelings may change each day. Try to be gentle with yourself and talk to loved ones or others who may have also experienced pregnancy loss.
If these feelings become overwhelming, last for a long time or think you might be depressed, it’s important that you reach out for help. Some people don't feel better as time goes on. If it's getting harder to cope, be sure to seek counselling.
If you need to talk to someone about your mental health, call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.
Partner grief
Experiencing pregnancy loss can be challenging for both you and your partner, though you may grieve in different ways. The partner who didn’t carry the baby might not express their feelings at first, to be able to offer support. Their sadness may emerge later, possibly during events such as planning for another baby.
It’s normal to react differently to each other. One of you may cry or share your emotions, while the other partner may stay quiet. These differences can sometimes create tension. Talk openly and be patient with each other. This can help you both get through this together.
Counselling may be helpful, either as a couple or on your own. Supporting each other and respecting how each other feel can make it easier to heal.
Supporting older siblings
Remember that children grieve and deal with loss too. Older siblings may need help understanding what happened.
Be honest with your children and explain the loss in an age-appropriate way. Answer their questions openly and encourage expressions, such as drawing or play. Respect their comfort level and don’t force them to participate in discussions or rituals.
Family counselling can also help you talk through these emotions with your children. Contact Kids Helpline if you are a young person and you need a safe space to chat.
FIND A HEALTH SERVICE — The Service Finder can help you find doctors, pharmacies, hospitals and other health services.
What are the physical effects of pregnancy loss?
Pregnancy loss can affect your body in different ways.
It’s normal to have vaginal bleeding after a pregnancy loss, ranging from light spotting to heavier bleeding with clots. You may also feel cramping as your body adjusts.
Symptoms of pregnancy, such as nausea or breast tenderness, may fade naturally as your hormone levels fall.
If you plan to start contraception, talk to your doctor about when and how.
It’s important to get plenty of rest. When you feel ready, gentle physical activities, such as walking can support your recovery and overall health.
If you have very heavy bleeding, strong pain or feel very unwell, call triple zero (000) and ask for an ambulance.
CHECK YOUR SYMPTOMS — Use the Symptom Checker and find out if you need to seek medical help.
What causes pregnancy loss?
In most cases, pregnancy loss isn’t caused by anything you did or didn’t do. It may happen for many reasons, for example if:
- the embryo begins to develop but then stops growing, often due to genetic problems
- you have certain medical problems, such as diabetes that is not well-managed, or an abnormal uterus shape
Finding out why it happened
It's natural to want to know why you experienced a pregnancy loss. Tests can sometimes help find the cause, such as an infection, chromosomal abnormality or health problem. This information can help you in future pregnancies. Often no specific reason is found.
Some people experience feelings of blame or guilt for their pregnancy loss, but it’s important to remember that often there's nothing you could have done differently. A health professional can help you work through these feelings.
ASK YOUR DOCTOR — Preparing for an appointment? Use the Question Builder for general tips on what to ask your GP or specialist.
How do I look after myself after pregnancy loss?
Taking care of yourself after pregnancy loss is an important part of healing, both physically and emotionally. Here are some tips to help you through this time:
- Give yourself time to heal — it's a good idea to take time off work if you can.
- Gentle activities — when you are ready, try walking or other light activities to help your recovery.
- Acknowledge your feelings — it’s okay to feel sad, angry or numb. Try mindfulness strategies if you feel anxious.
- Talk about your feelings — it may be helpful to talk to family or close friends about what you're going through.
- Ask for help — allow people to offer you help with day-to-day tasks, such as housework or grocery shopping.
Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Be patient with yourself and lean on the support of others as you take steps toward healing.
If you're finding it hard to cope, reach out to a counsellor or mental health professional.
When can I try for another baby?
The time it takes to feel ready for another pregnancy can vary from person to person. Most people who have a pregnancy loss can have a healthy pregnancy in the future.
Your doctor will advise you on the best time to try for another baby. Often, it's safe to try as soon as you feel ready. If you’ve experienced 2 or 3 more pregnancy losses (or more), especially if they occurred one after the other, your doctor may recommend tests to try to find out why.
Many people feel anxious during a pregnancy that follows a miscarriage. Talk about your feelings with your doctor or midwife or see a psychologist.
Resources and support
COPE Centre of Perinatal Excellence offers information for people affected by pregnancy loss on topics, including:
If you are looking for more information:
- The Royal Women’s Hospital Melbourne provides a pamphlet about what happens after a miscarriage.
- HealthyWA offers information on physical and emotional recovery after pregnancy loss.
If you are looking for support:
- Red Nose Grief and Loss provides support for people affected by pregnancy loss. You can call them on 1300 308 307.
- The Pink Elephants Support Network offers information and support for people who have experienced a miscarriage.
- New or expecting parents, carers or family members can call ForWhen on 1300 24 23 22 to speak with a local navigator and connect you with the right support service to help your mental health and wellbeing. You can also check out their resources.
- Grief Australia provides counselling and support for people grieving any type of loss.
- If you feel depressed or anxious, call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 to speak with a counsellor.
- Contact Kids Helpline if you are a young person and you need a safe space to chat.
Support for partners
- Read the Sands Australia information sheet: A partner’s grief.
- Visit Miscarriage Australia for support for men after pregnancy loss.
Other languages
Multicultural Health Communication Service provides translated information, including:
- What to do if you are having a miscarriage, types of miscarriage and support services
- Information for parents after a miscarriage
- Information for parents after a stillbirth
Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples
- Stillbirth Centre of Research Excellence has a booklet to support your journey after losing your bub.
- New or expecting parents, carers or family members can call ForWhen for a yarn on 1300 24 23 22 to speak with a local navigator. You can have someone from your community or mob on the call with you for support.
Speak to a maternal child health nurse
Call Pregnancy, Birth and Baby to speak to a maternal child health nurse on 1800 882 436 or video call. Available 7am to midnight (AET), 7 days a week.