Sex and intimacy after giving birth

Sex after pregnancy is different for everyone. Everyone recovers from pregnancy and birth differently.

How long you wait to have sex after giving birth is completely up to you. You may feel like having sex soon after giving birth.

Other times, it may take weeks or even months before you desire or feel ready to have sex — this is OK. It can take time regardless of if you've had a caesarean section or vaginal birth.

After having a baby, your desire for sex and intimacy can be influenced by:

• physical recovery from the birth
• emotional recovery after birth
• hormonal changes
• breastfeeding
• exhaustion

Don't feel pressured to have sex until you feel comfortable to. It's important to listen to your body and only have sex when you and your partner are ready.

There are ways that you can be intimate without having sex.

How long after having a baby should I wait to have sex?

When choosing when to have sex after having a baby, you can consider:

• your doctor's advice
• how you feel emotionally
• how you feel physically

Some doctors will recommend that you wait 4 to 6 weeks after birth before having vaginal sex.

How can my physical recovery affect sex after having a baby?

Your body needs time to recover after childbirth.

Your body may need even more time to heal if you've had:

• a difficult birth
• vaginal bruising or swelling
• stitches from a perineal tear, an episiotomy or a caesarean section

Don't rush — this can cause pain during sex. It is best to not have sex until the area has healed completely.

How can my emotions affect sex after having a baby?

Having a baby is a very emotional experience.

It is hard to get in the mood for sex when you are:

• mentally and physically exhausted
• in pain
• stressed about being a new parent
• dealing with changes in how your body looks and feels

During and after pregnancy, your breasts, tummy or legs may change shape or feel different. This can influence how you feel about yourself. This can impact your body confidence, including when it comes to intimacy. Talk to your partner about how you are feeling and what you are comfortable with. They can support you and your self-esteem.

It's also common to experience the 'baby blues' in the first few days or weeks after your baby is born. They may peak around the fourth day after having your baby. After 2 weeks these feelings should reduce.

The baby blues are not the same as postnatal depression. Postnatal depression affects many people after they have had a baby — you are not alone. If you feel low for longer than 2 weeks after giving birth, speak to your doctor.

If you are thinking of harming yourself or your baby and are in immediate danger, call triple zero (000). For help and support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or PANDA on 1300 726 306.

How can breastfeeding affect sex after having a baby?

It's normal to have less interest in sex while you are breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding can be uncomfortable in the early days. Your breasts and nipples may be tender or painful.

Newborns need to be fed often, whether they're breast or formula-fed. This can be tiring.

Discomfort and fatigue can leave you with less energy or desire for intimacy.

Some people will feel no sexual desire during breastfeeding. In other people, breastfeeding can help increase sexual function.

Breastfeeding hormones can also cause your vagina to be more dry than usual.

You may find that you leak milk from your breasts during sex. If you want to prevent this happening, try to feed your baby or express milk before having sex.

How can being a new parent affect my sex drive?

Pregnancy and childbirth are big life changes.

Looking after a newborn and becoming a new parent takes a lot of energy. Your sleep will most likely be interrupted. There will be many new demands on your time that leave both you and your partner mentally and physically exhausted. This can impact both your and your partner's sex drive.

It is normal to be less interested in sex while you are caring for the needs of your newborn baby. Give yourself and your partner the time you both need to adapt to your new routine and the demands of having a new baby.

What if I am less interested in sex after giving birth?

After having a baby and becoming parents, sex with your partner is likely to change.

You may feel worried or confused about your lack of interest in sex. You partner may feel rejected or unwanted.

It is very normal to experience mixed feelings. If you and your partner have different levels of physical desire, this can add stress to your relationship. It is important to be honest and talk to your partner about your:

• feelings
• worries
• expectations

There are other ways that you can be intimate with your partner after giving birth.

How can I be intimate after having a baby?

There are many ways to be intimate and feel connected with your partner that don't include intercourse.

Although finding time to spend together can be challenging, it is still important to make time for each other. You can try:

• taking a walk together
• having a meal together
• cuddling while your baby is napping

You might explore different ways to give and receive sexual pleasure without the pressure of having sex. Discuss these with your partner and start with simple things. You can try:

• holding hands
• cuddling
• kissing
• massage
• oral sex

You can also try couples therapy or counselling. Having a baby is a big change that both you and your partner will need to adjust to. Having a professional support you through this can be helpful.

How can I feel more comfortable with sex after having a baby?

To feel comfortable having sex after having a baby, it's important to take care of yourself.

Here are some tips.

• Take time for yourself every day — even if it's only a few minutes.
• Sleep as well as you can — if your baby wakes up at night, try to nap during the day.
• Share responsibility with your partner — for example, take turns when tending to your baby during the night.
• If you are feeling overwhelmed, family, friends or other parents may be able to support you — try reaching out to other parents or join a local parent's group.
• Try to take time for exercise — go for a walk with a friend.

If you want to be intimate with your partner, communicate with them. Talk about what you want and how you feel. For example, if your breasts are tender, ask your partner to avoid them.

Will sex feel different after having a baby?

After giving birth, there are ways that sex may feel different for you.

Vaginal dryness is normal after giving birth. This is because of hormonal changes, including:

• low oestrogen levels until your period returns
• high prolactin levels while breastfeeding

Vaginal dryness often lasts for 2 to 3 months or longer if you are breastfeeding. When you feel ready to have intercourse, vaginal dryness can make sex uncomfortable. To help, you can:

• use a vaginal lubricant
• speak to your doctor or pharmacist about treatments like oestrogen cream
• try different positions with your partner to find what is most comfortable for you

During intercourse, your vaginal muscles may tighten without your control. This is called vaginismus. A physiotherapist can help.

You and your partner may notice different sensations during sex due to changes in your pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor exercises can help your muscles recover after pregnancy. This can change the way sex feels for you and your partner.

Do I need to use contraception after having a baby?

You can become pregnant soon after you have your baby if you have sex without using contraception, even while you are breastfeeding.

This can happen as soon as 3 weeks after having a baby, or around a month before your period restarts.

If you want to avoid pregnancy, speak to your doctor or midwife as soon as possible. They can speak to you about what contraception you may use after giving birth. Most types of contraception are safe and effective after having a baby.

During your 6-week check-up after birth, your doctor or midwife will usually discuss contraception. If you are ready to have sex before then, it is best to speak with your healthcare professional about contraceptive options first.

When should I seek help?

You should speak with a trusted health professional such as your doctor or a maternal health nurse before having sex after pregnancy, especially if:

• sex after having a baby is painful
• you are worried about your emotional wellbeing
• you are worried about your partner's emotional wellbeing
• you have experienced birth-related trauma
• you have concerns that last longer than 6 weeks after giving birth

Birth-related trauma can have an impact on your health and wellbeing, including your return to a healthy sex life.

Birth-related trauma can be physical. You should seek help if you:

• experience symptoms like headaches, dizziness, chest pain
• have incontinence or problems with bowel movements
• have constant lower back pain
• notice a lump or bulge at your vaginal opening
• have a heavy feeling in your pelvis that feels like something is 'falling out'

You can read more about birth injury.

Birth-related trauma can also be psychological. You should seek help if you think you are experiencing:

• depression
• anxiety
• post-traumatic stress disorder
• psychosis

Birth-related trauma may be identified straight after birth. Other times, it can be identified sometime later. Remember — it is never too late to seek help.

You can find more information about birth-related trauma on the Birth Trauma Australia website.

Sexual coercion

Sexual coercion is when someone pressures you into sexual activity that you don't want. Even if you are in a relationship or married, your partner still needs your consent. If you are experiencing this, you should seek help immediately.

For help, contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). This is a national counselling service that provides information and support (telephone and online) for people who have experienced sexual assault or domestic and family violence.

You may be experiencing family or domestic violence if you have concerns about behaviour that:

• feels threatening or violent
• feels controlling
• makes you or your family feel scared and unsafe

You can visit the Services Australia website for more resources.

Resources and support

For more information about having sex after giving birth, you can:

• read the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists fact sheet on the first few weeks following birth
• visit the Royal Women's Hospital website for information on going home after giving birth
• read Family Planning NSW's fact sheet on sexuality and reproductive health after having a baby

If you are a new parent, you can find resources and support through:

• the PANDA website, or call the helpline on 1300 726 306
• the Tresillian website, or call the helpline on 1300 272 736
• Centre of Perinatal Excellence (COPE)
• Gidget Foundation Australia
• Karitane
• Relationships Australia

If you know someone who has recently become a parent, the Gidget Foundation Australia also has information on how you can support them.