Need to talk? Call 1800 882 436.
It's a free call with a maternal child health nurse. *call charges may apply from your mobile

Is it an emergency? Dial 000
If you need urgent medical help, call triple zero immediately.

beginning of content

Encouraging good behaviour

7-minute read

Key facts

  • Toddlers (children aged 1 to 3) can be delightful and affectionate, yet also challenging and confusing.
  • Temper tantrums, fussy eating and biting are common in the toddler years.
  • These are normal behaviours for your child’s age, but there are many positive parenting tools you can use to help you manage challenging behaviours.
  • You can encourage good behaviour by paying attention to behaviour you want to see more of, withdrawing attention from unwanted behaviour and applying other strategies, with lots of love.
  • Remember that you are your child’s most important role model for how to behave.

Living with a toddler

Toddlers (children aged 1 to 3) can be delightful and affectionate, yet also challenging and confusing. They’re experiencing many powerful emotions, learning right from wrong, and realising that they can’t have everything their own way. Temper tantrums, fussy eating and biting are common.

Your child isn’t 'bad' for behaving like this – it is quite normal for their age. There are many positive parenting approaches you can use to help shape your toddler’s behaviour while building a good relationship.

How will your family approach discipline?

You’ll see more success if you and your partner both use the same approach to discipline, so you need to decide which parenting style suits your family. You may choose to attend a parenting course — ask your family health nurse or doctor for details about courses that might suit.

Aim to build a strong relationship with your child by using a warm loving tone, and healthy boundaries to help them learn self-discipline and consideration for others.

Every parent finds toddler behaviour difficult to handle at times. Plan ahead and find ways to calm yourself if, or when, you become angry with your toddler.

What kind of behaviour should I expect from my toddler?

The type of behaviour you can expect from your toddler varies with age and your cultural background, but may include learning how to:

  • manage negative emotions such as anger, sadness and frustration
  • say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ when appropriate
  • share
  • take turns
  • follow simple instructions

You can help your child learn to behave well by making sure that your toddler:

Positive parenting tips

It’s important to look after yourself, so that you have the energy and patience to manage your child’s behaviour. Remember that you are your child’s most important role model for how to behave.

When parenting a toddler, try to focus on your child’s positive behaviours and ignore negative ones as much as possible:

  • Deliberately notice good behaviour whenever you see it. There’s usually lots of it, and once you start looking for it you are more likely to notice it.
  • Be specific in your praise: ‘Well done for putting your toys back in the right box’ gives your toddler more information about how to please you than general praise for ‘tidying up’ or ‘being good’. This is referred to as ‘descriptive praise’.
  • Rephrase your words to focus on the positive: ‘Once you’ve put your shoes on, we’ll go to the park’ feels quite different to ‘We’re not going anywhere until you put your shoes on!’

Maintain a predictable routine for your toddler:

  • Use routines to help them know what to expect next.
  • Prepare your toddler for upcoming changes: ‘We need to go home soon. You can have 2 more turns on the slide first.’
  • Show that actions have natural consequences: ‘Because you spent such a long time putting your shoes on, there’s less time for us to spend at the park.’
  • Be especially patient with a toddler’s difficult behaviour if they’re adjusting to a big change like a new baby in the family.

Communicate simply and clearly:

  • Have realistic expectations of your toddler. Their annoying behaviour may be quite normal for their age.
  • Be aware of your tone. Using a harsh tone can frighten your toddler.
  • Use clear requests or instructions.
  • Give your child equally acceptable choices: ‘Would you like to wear your green jumper or your red one?’

Managing your toddler’s behaviour is challenging. It takes time and consistency for toddlers to learn how to behave well, but you will gradually find the best way to encourage good behaviour. Keep in mind that one of the best ways to build a warm, loving and cooperative relationship is by enjoying your toddler’s company.

Video provided by Raising Children Network.

When should I seek help and support?

Challenging behaviours are normal in toddlers, to some extent. However, sometimes, severe or persistent behaviours can be a sign of a developmental condition or mental health issue.

You should seek help from your child health nurse or GP if your child’s behaviours:

  • are severe (compared to children in their peer group)
  • don’t seem to respond to your attempts at discipline
  • have a significant, negative impact on your family life

They can help you work out what to try next or they can refer you to another professional who can help, such as a paediatrician or child psychologist.

To find your nearest medical service, paediatrician or psychologist, use the healthdirect Service Finder tool.

Resources and support

Speak to a maternal child health nurse

Call Pregnancy, Birth and Baby to speak to a maternal child health nurse on 1800 882 436 or video call. Available 7am to midnight (AET), 7 days a week.

Learn more here about the development and quality assurance of healthdirect content.

Last reviewed: June 2022


Back To Top

Need more information?

Toddlers and lies

Toddlers might lie or fib for a variety for reasons. Learn why your toddler may lie, how to handle it and how you can encourage honesty.

Read more on Pregnancy, Birth & Baby website

Children and biting

Biting is very common in toddlers. Understanding why children bite, and how to respond, can help parents deal with this challenging behaviour.

Read more on Pregnancy, Birth & Baby website

Discipline strategies

Finding the best strategy for disciplining your toddler or young child can be hard. Learn more about what works well and what does not.

Read more on Pregnancy, Birth & Baby website

Biting, pinching & hair-pulling | Raising Children Network

Biting, pinching and hair-pulling are part of development in babies and toddlers. Saying no, staying calm and withdrawing attention can help. Get more tips.

Read more on raisingchildren.net.au website

Preschoolers behaviour | Raising Children Network

Questions about preschoolers behaviour? Here’s all you need with extensive resources on good behaviour, tantrums, friends, discipline, anxiety and more.

Read more on raisingchildren.net.au website

Positive parenting – get the big picture | Triple P Seminars | Triple P

Triple P Seminars give you tips and ideas in a friendly, relaxed large group session. Go to just one or a series. Register now! Triple P – Positive Parenting Program

Read more on Triple P - Positive Parenting Program website

When your child’s favourite word is 'NO'!

Most toddlers go through a stage when 'no' is their favourite word. Get some parenting advice and tips on how to manage this difficult stage.

Read more on Pregnancy, Birth & Baby website

Prevent bedtime battles, positively | Get proven parenting strategies | Triple P

Excuses and arguments every night? Positive parenting strategies can help with bedtime problems and help everyone sleep!

Read more on Triple P - Positive Parenting Program website

Routines & positive behaviour for children | Raising Children Network

Routines encourage positive behaviour because they help children learn what’s expected of them. You can also use routines to plan for challenging behaviour.

Read more on raisingchildren.net.au website

Tantrums - Better Health Channel

When a young child is having a tantrum, it is because the emotional (limbic system) part of the brain is dominating the child's behaviour.

Read more on Better Health Channel website

Call us and speak to a Maternal Child Health Nurse for personal advice and guidance.

Need further advice or guidance from our maternal child health nurses?

Healthdirect Australia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and their continuing connection to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to the Traditional Owners and to Elders both past and present.

This information is for your general information and use only and is not intended to be used as medical advice and should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any medical condition, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes.

The information is not a substitute for independent professional advice and should not be used as an alternative to professional health care. If you have a particular medical problem, please consult a healthcare professional.

Except as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, this publication or any part of it may not be reproduced, altered, adapted, stored and/or distributed in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of Healthdirect Australia.