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Controlling your anger as a parent

Medicare Mental Health — for advice and to connect to local mental health services, call 1800 595 212. Check the operating times.

Key facts

  • It's common to get angry sometimes, but it can be a problem if it happens often or if you express your anger in an unhealthy way.
  • As a parent, you might get angry if you are feeling stressed, do not get enough sleep or if your child misbehaves.
  • If parents get angry a lot, their children are more likely to develop social and emotional difficulties and may be at a higher risk of mental health problems in the future.
  • If you notice yourself getting angry, taking some deep breaths, leaving the room, listening to soft music or going for a walk can help you calm down.
  • If you have trouble controlling your anger, it is important to seek support from your doctor or psychologist.

    • What is anger?

    Anger (Opens in new tab) is a common human emotion, and many people get angry from time to time.

    You might get angry if you believe something unfair has happened or if you feel under threat.

    When you get angry, your muscles tighten, your heart rate (Opens in new tab) and blood pressure (Opens in new tab) increase, and your skin may get flushed.

    Common triggers for anger include:

    • getting frustrated
    • feeling underappreciated
    • things not going your way
    • being treated unfairly
    • feeling embarrassed, jealous, sad or scared
    • feeling like people are not listening to you

    Anger becomes a problem if you get angry often, or if you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.

    You may be more likely to have anger problems if you:

    Why might I experience anger as a parent?

    It is common to get angry from time to time. As a parent you may be dealing with a lot of demands, such as family, work, looking after the house and social activities. All of these responsibilities can be overwhelming. It can become especially difficult if your children are not behaving well or if things are not going according to plan.

    Common anger triggers

    As a parent, common triggers for anger include:

    Research shows that parents who have recently given birth and have postnatal depression may also be more prone to anger.

    Sometimes, having a baby can trigger negative emotions and memories of trauma from your own childhood. If you experienced trauma or abuse as a child, you can call the Blue Knot Foundation (Opens in new tab) on 1300 657 380 for support and advice.

    How does my anger affect my child?

    Never shake a baby. Shaking, hitting, kicking or throwing a baby can result in death, disability or serious injury.

    Everyone gets angry sometimes. What is most important is how you deal with your anger. You can set a good example for your child if you take a few deep breaths and walk away when you feel angry. Losing your temper often can negatively affect your child.

    Living in a household where there is a lot of anger puts your child at risk of mental health problems later in life.

    Children may react to angry parents in different ways, for example, by:

    • becoming quiet and fearful
    • becoming rude and aggressive
    • developing sleeping problems
    • finding it hard to play with other children

    You should never physically hurt or punish your child, no matter what they have done or how angry you are. Physically punishing children puts them at risk of:

    How do I deal with my feelings?

    If you are feeling angry, you may also feel other emotions, such as disappointment, worry, embarrassment, frustration, hurt or fear at the same time. Recognising and dealing with these emotions can help you control your anger.

    Bottling up your anger is not helpful. It can make it harder to deal with later. It is important to learn to express your anger in a controlled way that does not cause harm to others.

    If you can understand the negative thoughts or feelings that trigger your anger, you might be able to avoid these situations, or react differently when they happen. Try to think about what is really making you feel angry.

    You may find it helpful to speak with someone you trust. Seek out a friend, relative or a professional counsellor (Opens in new tab). They can help you work through your feelings.

    Talk to your doctor to find a professional counsellor. You can also call Medicare Mental Health (Opens in new tab) for advice and to connect to local mental health services.

    How can I learn to control my anger?

    Controlling your anger in the moment

    To help you control your anger in the moment, it is important to recognise the signs that you're becoming angry, so you can act before it gets out of control.

    Some signs that you may be feeling angry include:

    • feeling 'hot' and 'heavy' in different parts of your body, including your head and chest
    • shaking
    • a burning feeling
    • gritting your teeth
    • clenching your fists

    If you notice these signs, here are some tips you can try to calm yourself down:

    • Count to 10 before you react.
    • Leave the room and go somewhere quiet. Make sure your child is safe before you leave the room.
    • Take some slow, deep breaths.
    • Go for a walk, take a warm shower or listen to calming music to distract yourself from what's making you angry.
    • Think about what happened from someone else's point of view.
    • Repeat a calming mantra in your mind, such as 'I can deal with this'.

    Avoiding getting angry

    If you find yourself getting angry a lot, you can learn to change your thought patterns and react to difficult situations in a healthier way. A psychologist (Opens in new tab) can help you with this.

    Here are some strategies that you can explore together:

    Read more about anger management (Opens in new tab).

    When should I seek help?

    If you're having trouble with anger, talk to your doctor. For advice and to connect to local mental health services, call Medicare Mental Health on 1800 595 212. Check the operating times.

    It is important to seek help with managing anger if:

    • you get angry a lot
    • you have trouble controlling your anger
    • you have physically hurt yourself or someone else out of anger
    • anger is affecting your work or relationships
    • you turn to alcohol or other substances (Opens in new tab) when you're angry
    • you drive dangerously when you're angry

    Read more about mental health first aid (Opens in new tab).

    Resources and support

    Languages other than English

    Information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples

    Speak to a maternal child health nurse

    Call Pregnancy, Birth and Baby to speak to a maternal child health nurse on 1800 882 436 (Opens in new tab) or video call. Available 7am to midnight (AET), 7 days a week.

    Last reviewed: September 2025

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