Supporting parents of sick or premature babies

It's common to know or be close to someone who has a sick or premature baby. Almost 1 in every 10 babies born in Australia are born pre-term.

Many babies need to stay in hospital and get special care until they gain weight, can regulate their temperature and feed well. It's normal for parents to experience emotional ups and downs in the early weeks and months as they make their own adjustments.

Support from family and friends can be very helpful during this time, especially when it helps parents to keep their focus on their baby.

It's important to congratulate the parents on the birth of their baby. Choose the best time to give gifts, depending on the baby's health and condition. For example, you may want to save sending flowers until the baby comes home, when there's more opportunity to enjoy them.

Gift ideas for the hospital include:

• a journal for the parents to record their experiences
• nice toiletries for the parents
• a photo album or frame
• a book to read to the baby

Sometimes friends and family are not in frequent contact after the initial excitement and surprise of an early birth. Remember that long hospital stays can make parents feel lonely. Texts, phone calls, emails, letters and cards can all let parents know you're thinking about them.

Ask them what they need and how you can help. Let them know you're there for them and want to help and support them. Here are some practical ways to support parents.

Coordinating communication

• With the parent's consent, offer to provide updates to family members and friends, to free up their energy so they can focus on their baby.
• Ask for contact lists and what information they are comfortable to share.
• Offer to set up a messaging group or social media page for the parents, to provide an easy, single source for communication.
• Assisting with communication will save parents repeating themselves many times.

Transport

• If the parents are discharged from hospital before their baby, offer lifts to and from the hospital.
• Help with hospital parking fees or buy a parking voucher, as parking can be very expensive when needed over a few weeks or months.

Meals

• Book and pay for a meal at eateries near the hospital
• Prepare and freeze meals for the parents to use when they return home.
• Days and nights can be very long for parents with a baby in a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), so taking care of meals helps ensure the parents are well-fed and supported, while also freeing up time for them.

Small breaks

• Offer to go for a walk or a coffee with the parent somewhere close to the hospital.
• Fresh air, conversation and a break from sitting with the baby can be very helpful.

Childcare

• Offer to care for older siblings.
• Help with drop-offs / pickups from school or childcare.

Housework

• Offer to clean the home, do laundry or care for pets.

Adjustment period

Families need time to settle in at home. For parents of sick or premature babies, this adjustment can take longer. Give the parents some time to work out their new routine and respect their choice if they'd prefer not to have visitors for a while.

Communication

Ask each parent what they want and need. In close relationships, it can be helpful to take the initiative and help with obvious tasks.

Health precautions

Respect the parent's choices if they prefer you don't hold the baby. Stay away if you're unwell and make sure no one else who's visiting is sick. If the parents and health team are happy for you to cuddle the baby, wash your hands first. Don't kiss the baby or hold them close to your face or mouth.

Visiting considerations

Avoid overwhelming the family when the baby comes home. Coordinate your visits with the parents, to ensure there aren't too many visitors at once. Keep your visits short, unless the parents invite you to stay longer. Bring drinks and snacks so the parents don't feel any pressure to be an ideal host.

Emotional support

Parents of sick or premature babies often experience birth trauma. Anxiety and depression are also more common when a baby's birth was not as expected. Support can take many forms, but one of the most valuable strategies is to listen and to 'be there' as needed.

Respect the parents' feelings

Every parent copes differently. Some parents want to talk about how they're feeling, and others are less open. It's important to respect their choice to express their emotions in whatever way works for them. Listen without judgment and being a supportive presence can be helpful.

Avoid self-disclosure

Avoid talking about your own experiences, even if they are very similar. Wait until you're asked, before you offer advice or talk about your own baby.

Positive feedback

Importantly, just as you would in other new parent situations, offer positive feedback and compliments about the baby. Genuine praise and acknowledgement of the parents' challenges can also be very supportive.

For families of premature and sick newborns, the Miracle Babies Foundation has a 24hr support line on 1300 622 243.

The Gidget Foundation Australia provides support for the emotional wellbeing of expectant and new parents. They have a range of resources including videos and fact sheets.

Life's Little Treasures Foundation (LLTF) is a charity that provides support, information and help to families of babies born prematurely or sick. Watch the support video for families.

For mental health support and advice call:

• Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636
• Parentline on 1300 30 1300
• Mensline Australia on 1300 78 99 78
• PANDA on 1300 726 306

Looking for information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people?

Read more on Prematurity in First Nations Australians.