Normal sexual behaviour in children

Sexuality is a natural part of being a person. Being curious about and feeling comfortable with sexuality is part of your child's healthy development. You can help them to do this by talking openly about sex and sexuality.

It's normal and healthy for children to engage in sexual behaviour that's appropriate for their age. This includes:

• masturbation
• curiosity about their own and other people's bodies
• asking about sexuality

From the time they are only a few weeks old, babies will touch and explore their bodies. Masturbation normally begins in infancy.

Parents and caregivers sometimes don't expect this sort of behaviour. You may feel worried or uncomfortable about it, but babies are not born feeling ashamed, embarrassed or guilty about their bodies. They learn these ideas from the verbal and non-verbal messages they get from you and other adults. It is important to react in an appropriate way when your child shows sexual behaviour.

It's normal for young children to be curious about bodies — theirs as well as other people's. When your child reaches the stage of asking and learning names for things, teach them the correct names for body parts.

It's important not to confuse adult ideas and values on sexuality with normal child behaviour.

Masturbation

Masturbation is a normal part of development. Children may masturbate due to curiosity, for pleasure or to explore their bodies. This can include:

• masturbating with their hands or using an object
• rubbing their body against furniture
• touching their genitals

When a young child masturbates, it's best to ignore it or handle the situation carefully. Help them feel comfortable and not ashamed or guilty.

As your child grows older, help them understand that while the behaviour is normal, it's best done in private.

Sexual behaviours in children

Many children engage in sexual behaviours at some stage of childhood. Curiosity and experimenting are behind these normal behaviours.

Childhood sexual behaviours are considered a normal part of development when the interactions between children are:

• between children of a similar age
• spontaneous
• non-coercive (one child is not persuading or forcing another child to be involved)
• not distressing
• infrequent

An example of normal sexual behaviour may be a game of 'You show me yours, and I'll show you mine' with a friend of about the same age.

Children are usually easy to redirect to other types of play. When suggesting other games, talk in a way that doesn't make them feel ashamed or guilty. How you react to the situation can influence their relationship with sexuality as they get older.

When you clearly explain limits, children can understand what is appropriate.

Uncommon or problematic sexual behaviours

Problematic sexual behaviours can include behaviour that:

• is ongoing
• targets a more vulnerable child (for example, younger or smaller)
• is distressing to others
• continues even after parents or other adults intervene

Sexual behaviour that does not match your child's age or developmental stage is also problematic. If your child's behaviour is a risk to their safety or to the safety of others, this is problematic sexual behaviour.

If you are worried, talk to a child health nurse, your doctor or paediatrician.

Developing positive attitudes to sexuality

All babies and children enjoy their bodies and have good feelings about them. Children form attitudes towards sexuality based on the relationships that they see around them. Adult values and attitudes are shown to children through:

• what you and other adults do or say
• how you do or say it
• what you don't do or say

It's vital to keep communication between yourself and your child open and positive. It's good if this begins as early as possible, so that it will continue into their teen years. Try to:

• find out what your child knows
• calmly answer any sexual questions they have with facts
• use the correct names for body parts
• correct any misinformation

Open, comfortable communication helps children develop healthy ideas about sexuality. Remember that:

• sexuality is natural
• sexual behaviours in children are normal
• comfortable communication helps develop positive ideas about sexuality, and reduces the chance they'll feel shame or guilt later in life

Signs of sexual abuse

If your child exhibits overly sexual behaviour, it may mean that they have been exposed to adult sexual situations or possible sexual abuse. Sexual abuse can be physical, verbal or emotional.

You should be concerned if your child:

• plays with toys or other children in an inappropriate way
• knows more about sexual activities than other children their age
• shows persistent sexual themes in their play or art
• hints at sexual activity through their comments or actions
• masturbates more or in a way that is unusual for their age

If your child is showing any of the above signs, talk to:

• a child health nurse
• your doctor
• a paediatrician (doctor specialising in children's health)

Always seek professional advice if you think that your child may have been sexually abused. Read more about signs of abuse in children.

If you are concerned about the possible sexual abuse of any child, you can:

• call the Police Assistance Line on 131 444
• speak to the relevant state or territory department responsible for protecting children

Bravehearts provides details of where to report child sexual abuse or suspected sexual abuse in your State or Territory.

Resources and support

For more information or support, visit or call:

• Parentline in your state or territory
• kids helpline — webchat or call on 1800 55 1800 (there is a section for parents on the website)
• Bravehearts — dedicated to the prevention and treatment of child sexual abuse — call 1800 272 831

For resources to help you talk to your child about sex and sexuality:

• Family Planning Australia's fact sheet can help you answer your child's questions about sexuality.
• Parenting SA has a guide for helping parents teach children about sexuality.
• HealthyWA has an interactive website about sex education for children: Talk soon. Talk often.

Languages other than English

• Parent Line is a free telephone counselling and support service for parents and carers. They offer parenting support for people from culturally diverse backgrounds.
• Positive Partnerships supports young people with autism by working with families, educators and communities to build inclusive environments. It offers resources in a range of community languages.

Information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander peoples

• Yarning Quiet Ways helps to teach children to have strong, safe and healthy relationships. Read about yarning with little ones for information and helpful tips.