Parenting styles

Your parenting style is the way you think, feel and act towards your child as they grow. It is shaped by 2 main things: how warm and supportive you are, and what rules or expectations you set for your child.

Research has identified 4 main styles of parenting:

• Authoritarian — these parents tend to set strict rules, with little input from their child, and expect their child to do what they are told. Authoritarian parents try to shape and control their child based on what they think is best. They use punishment and discipline to enforce their rules.
• Authoritative (or supportive) — these parents have firm expectations. They also listen to their child and try to understand their point of view. They try to give them independence and responsibility that are appropriate for their age. However, they use discipline when necessary.
• Permissive — these parents are warm and loving, but they tend to give in to their child. It is a less active parenting style. They do not set or enforce boundaries or limits. They let their child make their own decisions.
• Disengaged (or uninvolved) — these parents provide their child with their basic needs, but do not show interest in them or set rules. Uninvolved parents rarely spend time with their children.

The way you parent can shape the kind of adult your child will become. Parents might use a mix of parenting styles depending on the situation. Most parents usually prefer one style. Each style of parenting may lead to different outcomes for children.

Many things affect how you act with your child such as:

• how you were raised
• your experiences
• how you see other parents act
• your health and financial situation
• how much support you have
• your culture and values
• what you read or see in the media

You might want to parent the same way your own parents did, or you might want to take a different approach. It is your decision. You and your partner might have different parenting styles.

Authoritarian

Children of authoritarian parents may be obedient and know how to follow rules. But they may develop low self-esteem or poor social skills. They may be less proactive and wait for others to tell them what to do. Research shows that children of authoritarian parents can become dependent on their parents. They may also become aggressive and rebellious.

Authoritative (or supportive)

Children of authoritative (supportive) parents are likely to grow up to be assertive, happy and socially responsible. They can relate to others and be compassionate. They are often motivated to try their best. They tend to adjust more easily to different situations.

Permissive

Children of permissive parents often have good self-esteem, but without limits they may feel insecure. They are more likely to have poor social skills and self-control. They may also have problems listening to others and following instructions.

Disengaged (or uninvolved)

Children of disengaged parents may feel unloved or anxious. They may have behaviour problems or poor social skills and may not feel motivated to achieve. They can find it hard to listen to others.

As a parent, it is your responsibility to care for your child and give them the best start in life that you can. You can help them develop into healthy and happy people. It is up to you which parenting style or mix of styles you choose to achieve this. Remember that providing your child with love and guidance will help them develop into a confident, resilient and socially responsible adult.

Research shows that the authoritative (or supportive) style of parenting works best for children. This is because they:

• are warm
• are loving
• provide clear guidance and support

This style of parenting helps your child develop secure relationships and independence. They can explore and try new things, while knowing their parents set limits and step in when needed. Having limits helps your child feel secure.

It is your role as a parent to set limits — "It is OK to play with the water in the bath, but it is not OK to splash it all over the floor" — and to set rules for safety — "If you will not hold my hand when we cross the road, you cannot come with me to the shops". Setting limits and rules in a fair manner will help your child mature.

Using an authoritative (or supportive) approach, you can set limits that are appropriate for your child, explain your reasons and allow for discussion. This way, your child will learn how to behave appropriately, not just to follow rules.

Here are some practical tips for how to use the authoritative (supportive) style of parenting:

• Build your connection with your child — spend individual time with them and try to see things from their point of view. Show interest in things that interest them. Know what is happening in their life, go to their activities or sports and get to know their friends.
• Tell your child you love them and give them hugs and cuddles.
• Talk to your child about many different topics, listen to their views and give them your full attention.
• Encourage your child to try out different things that interest them and practise their skills. Praise them for working hard and having a go.
• Guide and support your child — set clear rules about what is OK and what is not OK. Look out for opportunities to praise your child for behaving well.
• Be a positive role model — behave in ways you expect your child to behave and treat people the way you want your child to treat others. Live according to your values.

You can become an authoritative (supportive) parent by learning about positive parenting. Positive parenting programs can teach strategies that reduce parents' stress and encourage positive behaviour in children.

Triple P is a positive parenting program developed in Australia. It can give you skills and strategies to help you:

• create a calm and loving home environment
• make rules
• encourage good behaviour according to your values

• For more information on how to be an authoritative parent, see this Parent Easy Guide from the South Australian Government.;>
• Check out Triple P for helpful parenting tips and free online positive parenting courses.
• You can also visit Parent Line for parenting help and support. They also provide support for parents from culturally diverse backgrounds.
• The Gidget Foundation has an information sheet about parenting tips for rainbow families.