Parental anxiety in the toddler years

Your toddler (aged 1 to 3 years) is going through developmental changes. They're learning to walk, talk, feed themselves and use the toilet. At the same time, they don't yet have the social and emotional skills to control their behaviour.

This stage may be a joyful and challenging time for you. Your toddler might be defiant, emotional, loving or fussy at different times. Temper tantrums and outbursts are common at this age. Aggression often peaks as your toddler insists on being independent.

Read more about helping your toddler deal with new situations.

Anxiety is a natural, short-term response you may have in a new or stressful situation.

You may have experienced anxiety:

• before becoming a parent
• during your pregnancy
• after your pregnancy

Sometimes, your anxious thoughts, feelings and physical symptoms may become so intense that it affects your ability to function. This could mean you have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia.

It's normal to feel worried as a parent or caregiver of a toddler. You might find yourself anxious about your toddler's:

• health — you may find yourself spending a lot of time worrying about symptoms or illnesses
• development — you may have concerns about milestones and compare your toddler's development to other toddlers
• behaviour — you may worry about how they will behave in public or how they will manage social situations with friends or family

If these worries are becoming a problem for you, ask for help.

Your toddler may have challenging behaviours or habits. They might make you anxious about your parenting style and their development.

Read more about postnatal anxiety.

You should talk to your doctor or community health nurse if you:

• can't stop worrying
• feel restless, frustrated or irritable
• have trouble relaxing or sleeping
• find it hard to focus
• feel your heart racing often

Your doctor can help you find the best steps to take for your mental health.

To find a doctor or maternal, child and family health service near you, use the Pregnancy Birth and Baby Service Finder tool.

If you are worried about your toddler, take them to your doctor. They can check your child. Your doctor may refer your child to a specialist and do tests.

Ask your doctor or child development specialist if early intervention can help prevent or address developmental delays and learning difficulties.

There are several things you can do to deal with your anxiety. Here are some tips that may help you when you feel overwhelmed with your toddler:

• Slow down your breathing — concentrate on your breathing and gently tense and relax your muscles one by one. If you are alone with your toddler, make sure they are in a safe place first.
• Focus on the now — stay in the present moment and concentrate on the actual problem. If your child is sick, focus on comforting them. Don't worry about other tasks, such as housework or emails.
• Positive self-talk — remind yourself 'I can handle this".
• Break tasks into small steps — tackle one thing at a time.

Relaxation techniques and mindfulness can help you manage your anxiety. Keeping a healthy lifestyle is also important. Eating well and getting regular exercise can make a big difference.

Talk to a family member or a friend for support. Connecting with other parents can also help with anxiety. Consider joining a parents' group or playgroup. Contact the child or community health centre in your area for more information.

Your doctor may also suggest seeing another health professional, such as a counsellor. Sometimes, medicines may help.

There are several things you can do to manage your toddler's behaviour. Here are some tips that may help you:

• Set realistic expectations — some of your child's behaviours are normal for their age.
• Be consistent — use the same boundaries and be consistent in how you manage their behaviours.
• If your child is a fussy eater — avoid distractions, such as toys and screens during snack and mealtimes. Do not turn meals into a battle. Develop a routine and eat together as a family. Offer your child the same foods as everyone else.
• Model good behaviour — behave how you would want your child to behave. Stay calm in stressful moments. If you make a mistake, apologise to your child.
• Address aggression firmly but calmly — if your child bites, kicks or pushes, keep calm. Place your child in a safe space. Get down to their eye level and explain firmly but calmly why their behaviour is not OK. For example, "kicking hurts, we do not kick." Explain to them it's OK to feel angry or sad and offer an alternative behaviour they could have chosen.

Your doctor can refer you to a therapist or support service. They may help you develop skills to manage your child's behaviour.

Your anxiety may affect your child's development and mental health. Taking steps to manage your anxiety is important for both you and your child.

• Medicare Mental Health — call 1800 595 212 for advice and to get connected to local mental health services.
• The Victorian Government provides a parents and carers mental health and wellbeing toolkit.
• The Sydney Children's Health Network offers practical information about your toddler's development.
• Call Pregnancy, Birth and Baby to speak to a maternal child health nurse on 1800 882 436 or video call. Available from 7 am to midnight (AET), 7 days a week (including public holidays).

Do you prefer to read in languages other than English?

• Royal Children's Hospital offers translated resources about parenting and child development.

Looking for information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people?

• 13YARN offers crisis Support for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people who are feeling overwhelmed or having difficulty coping.
• KARI has an Aboriginal Family Support Program to help you respond to your children's needs and to create a safe and nurturing home.

Looking for information for sexually and gender-diverse families?

• The Centre of Perinatal Excellence (COPE) offers resources and tips for LGBTIQ+ parents and rainbow families.