How to have conversations with healthcare professionals after a miscarriage or pregnancy loss

In the early weeks and months after a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, you may have questions about what happened or what comes next. You may also find it hard to take in information or know what to ask. You do not need to have all your questions at once.

This article offers ideas to help you talk with your healthcare professional about your care and support after miscarriage or pregnancy loss. Your healthcare professional may be a doctor, midwife or obstetrician. You can choose what matters to you now and return to your other questions whenever you are ready.

Everyone experiences miscarriage and pregnancy loss differently.

You do not need to have everything prepared before your appointment. If it feels helpful, you could:

• write down your questions and concerns as they come to you
• think about what is most important for you to know
• ask for a longer appointment, so you have more time with your healthcare professional
• decide if you would like someone to come with you
• tell your healthcare professional about anything that could help you feel more comfortable
• It is also OK if you are unsure what to ask. Your healthcare professional can help you work through your questions and explain the next steps.

You can ask your healthcare professional to explain what they know about what happened and ask any questions you have. You do not need to have all your questions ready at once.

You may want to ask:

• What do you know about why this miscarriage or pregnancy loss happened?
• Do I need any tests?
• What happens next?
• Do I need a follow-up appointment?

Sometimes, even after tests or investigations, there may not be a clear explanation for why a miscarriage or pregnancy loss has happened. Not having answers can be difficult, especially when you are trying to understand your loss.

It is important to know that most miscarriages happen for reasons not in your control and are not caused by something you did or did not do. You may have a range of different thoughts and emotions. There is no right or wrong way to think or feel.

If you have questions or worry about what happened, you deserve the time and space to talk it through with your healthcare professional. They should listen to you without judgement. You should receive clear, compassionate information and support that respects your needs, beliefs and cultural values.

After a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, you may have questions about your physical recovery and what happens next. Your healthcare professional can explain any recommended follow-up care and support you to make decisions about your ongoing care.

You could ask:

• Do I need a follow-up appointment and what will it involve?
• Are there any results we can go through together?
• Would any further tests be helpful and what might they tell me?
• How will I know if my physical recovery is happening as expected?
• Are there symptoms or changes I should get help for?
• What support is available for my emotional wellbeing?
• If further care is recommended, what are my options?
• Who can I contact if I have questions or concerns between appointments?

You can ask your healthcare professional for information to be explained again, to talk through your options and ask how much time you have to consider any next steps. Decisions about your care are yours to make, with information and support from your healthcare professional.

Your healthcare professional can explain what physical changes you may have after a miscarriage or pregnancy loss and when to seek further care.

Everyone's experience is different, and physical changes can be significant at any stage of pregnancy.

You may want to ask about:

• bleeding, pain and other symptoms
• what is expected and when you may need medical attention
• when your period may return
• sex and contraception
• fertility and trying for another pregnancy, if and when you want to
• returning to work, daily activities or exercise
• if you need another appointment, test or treatment and why
• who to contact if you have questions or concerns

There is no right or expected way to feel after a miscarriage or pregnancy loss.

You may feel grief, sadness, anger, fear, numbness, relief, mixed feelings or no particular emotion. Your feelings may also change over time. There is no right or wrong way to feel.

You can talk with your healthcare professional whenever you are ready. You could say:

• I'm finding this difficult.
• I’m not sure how I feel about what happened.
• I would like some emotional support.
• Can you tell me what counselling or support is available?

You can also ask about support for your partner, family or other people close to you. If you do not want support now, you can ask where to find it later.

Healthcare information can be hard to take in after a miscarriage or pregnancy loss. You do not need to understand or remember everything at once. It is OK to ask for something to be explained again or for written information you can take home with you — so you can return to it later.

Your healthcare professional is there to help you understand your care. You could say:

• Can you explain that in another way?
• What does that word mean?
• Can you write that down for me?

You can also choose to have a partner, family member, friend or another support person with you. You can also choose to speak with your healthcare professional privately.

If you would prefer to communicate in another language, you can ask your healthcare professional to arrange a qualified interpreter for free.

If a conversation feels difficult, you can ask your healthcare professional to slow down, take a break or return to a topic later. You do not need to find the right words or explain everything at once.

You may find it helpful to:

• ask for information to be repeated or explained differently
• ask for written information to look at later
• have someone you trust with you
• ask for another appointment
• ask to speak with a different healthcare professional

Distressing situations can affect your concentration and memory. Your healthcare professional should explain your options, answer your questions and provide advice.

You are the person who decides what happens to your body and which care option is right for you. You can say yes or no, ask for more time or change your mind after giving consent.

If your care is urgent, your healthcare professional should explain why and how quickly a decision is needed. Where possible, you should still be supported to understand your options and make the decision yourself.

You may want to think about another pregnancy, or you may not. You do not need to make this decision straight away.

If it is something you want to discuss, you could ask:

• Would any tests be useful for me?
• When could I become pregnant again?
• Would I need different care or extra checks in another pregnancy?

Your healthcare professional may recommend more tests, depending on your situation and pregnancy history. You can ask your healthcare professional which tests may be helpful and why.

You can ask to have someone you trust with you. This could be a partner, family member, friend, carer, advocate or another support person. They may be able to listen, take notes or help you remember questions.

You remain at the centre of decisions about your care. You can ask to speak with your healthcare professional privately or change your mind about having someone present at any time.

You can use a tool like Ask Share Know (Opens in new tab), which can help you take part in making decisions about your care. This tool helps you to ask about your options, share what matters to you and understand the possible benefits and harms before making any decisions.

Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples

You can ask your healthcare provider if an Aboriginal Medical Service or Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Health worker, Liaison Officer or Aboriginal Community Controlled Health Service (Opens in new tab) is available.

You may also choose to have family, community or another trusted support person involved.

Languages other than English

If you feel more comfortable discussing your healthcare in another language, you can ask for a qualified healthcare interpreter.

You do not have to rely on a family member or friend to translate. Tell the clinic when you book if you want an interpreter.

LGBTIQA+ people and families

You can tell your healthcare professional the language you use (Opens in new tab) for yourself, your partner, your family and your pregnancy.

If someone refers to you in a way that you don't prefer, you can tell them how you would like them to refer to you and your family.

Disability and communication access

You can ask for adjustments, such as accessible written information, Auslan (Opens in new tab) interpreting, communication support, supported decision-making or help with physical access.

Rural and remote care

You can ask if follow-up care can happen by telehealth (phone and video), if tests can be done closer to your home and who to contact locally if you are worried.

Read more on rural health services in your state or territory (Opens in new tab).

If you need more support after a miscarriage, our miscarriage support page has information about services and other ways to get help.