Supporting your partner during their pregnancy

As a support person you can provide emotional, cultural, spiritual and physical support to your partner during their pregnancy, childbirth and post-partum period.

Pregnancy and childbirth can be exhausting both physically and emotionally.

Supporting your partner through pregnancy is a very important job. Helping your partner can benefit:

• them
• your relationship
• your baby

Pregnancy is a time of adjustment for you and your partner. Many couples can resolve issues that arise. Some struggle to do so. This can also impact yours or your partner's mental health.

For some partners, finding out you are going to become a parent can be a wonderful experience. For others, it can be an emotional and confusing time. You may feel scared. This is normal.

Some people may decide not to announce their pregnancy until the end of the first trimester. It is completely your choice. You and your partner can use the time to get used to the idea of being parents. Think about how you will manage the changes a new baby will bring.

Helping out during pregnancy

It is a good idea to be as involved as you can throughout the pregnancy. Here are some things that you can do:

• Offer to go with your partner to antenatal appointments with doctors or midwives.
• Look at baby equipment together.
• Talk about how you are both feeling, as pregnancy can be an emotional time.
• Do your own research and share what you learn with your partner.

Your partner may have mood swings during pregnancy. Try not to take this personally.

If your partner is very anxious or seems depressed about the pregnancy, encourage them to ask for help.

If your partner has morning sickness, encourage them to eat small amounts of food often. If your partner is vomiting often and you are concerned, contact your doctor.

You and your partner can have vaginal, oral, manual and anal sex during pregnancy if:

• both you and your partner want to
• your midwife or doctor have not said you should avoid sex

Sex might feel different, but it will not harm your baby.

During pregnancy, your baby grows in your partner's uterus. They are protected during sex by your partner's cervix, amniotic sac in the uterus and the amniotic fluids.

You should not have sex during pregnancy if your pregnant partner:

• is leaking amniotic fluid
• is in preterm labour
• has vaginal bleeding
• has placenta praevia

During this time, you can feel close with your partner and support them by being understanding, and finding other ways to be intimate, such as kissing, cuddling and massaging.

As your partner moves into the second trimester, their morning sickness may get better. The pregnancy will also become more obvious.

The second trimester is a good time to start thinking seriously about things like:

• yours and your partner's employment rights and parental leave
• government support you may be eligible to receive
• future childcare

It is important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, even if some topics are difficult. This will help build the positive relationship you will need as parents.

You can support your partner at this time by helping them have a healthy pregnancy. This can include:

• eating healthy food together
• doing physical activity together
• cutting back on alcohol yourself
• not smoking, especially if your partner is trying to quit

The third trimester is often when pregnancy feels more intense for partners. Here are some things you can do to help:

• Go with your partner for check-ups. These are more frequent towards the end of pregnancy. You may
  • listen to your baby's heartbeat
  • learn what's going to happen during the birth
• Attend antenatal classes together.
• Tour the place where your baby will be born.
• Organise time off work for the time of the birth and afterwards.
• Talk or sing to your baby. Remember that
  • your baby can hear you from inside the womb
  • you can start to bond with your baby even before they are born
• Help your partner find time for daytime naps.
• Offer to clean the house or other preparations for your new baby.

Late pregnancy can be very tiring and uncomfortable. Your partner may:

• wake up often during the night
• need to go to the toilet more

You can try and support your partner by:

• giving them a massage
• helping them to get comfortable
• being patient with them

During the birth, your role as a birth support partner is to give emotional and physical support and encouragement.

It's a good idea to plan for the birth of your baby. Your partner will need your support and assistance on the big day.

Before the day

• Talk to other partners who have been a support person during labour and birth.
• Watch videos and read about what happens during labour and birth.
• Go to antenatal classes with your partner.
• Discuss the birth plan together so you understand what they want. Remember that this needs to be flexible.
• Make a plan for when your partner goes into labour.
  • Find out the best way to get to the hospital.
  • As the due date gets closer, make sure you have a hospital checklist and your hospital bag packed. This will help you remember everything you need to take.

On the day

• Be ready to go when the time is right.
• Help your partner to get more comfortable. Do not be surprised if they change their mind about what they need.
• Give them a massage or organise a hot or cold pack.
• Remind your partner to breathe slowly. You can do this together. It will help you both to stay calm.
• You may need to talk to the midwives and doctors on your partner's behalf.
• You may be offered to cut the umbilical cord when your baby is born.
• Once your baby is born, cuddling with their skin on yours can help you bond with them.

It is normal to feel a range of emotions while your partner is pregnant. You may be excited or nervous, or some of both. Some partners feel as though they are left out during the pregnancy. All the attention may go to your pregnant partner. You may feel that your partner is more interested in the baby than you.

Depression and anxiety

Partners can also experience depression and anxiety during pregnancy and early parenthood.

If you or your partner have previously had depression or anxiety, this could make it more likely to happen again. Having a new baby is a stressful time.

You might be finding it harder to cope if you have financial stress and changes to your work-life balance. If your friends have children, try talking to them for advice and ideas on dealing with the big changes that come as a new parent.

It is important to look after yourself. Take care of your own physical and mental health. You do not have to go through this alone. Talking openly and honestly with your partner, family or friends can make a big difference. Speak up if you are feeling upset, before your feelings build up.

To ease stress and tension, try:

• exercise
• muscle relaxation
• yoga

If you feel that you are getting angry, jealous or violent, speak to your doctor or call:

• Mensline Australia on 1300 78 99 78
• PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety And Depression Australia) on 1300 726 306

You can find more information about managing your emotional wellbeing on Beyond Blue's website.

Visit Mensline for more information on being a dad. They also offer support and counselling services on 1300 78 99 78.

Lifeline offers telephone support to anyone in crisis on 13 11 14.

Call Pregnancy, Birth and Baby to speak to a maternal child health nurse on 1800 882 436 or video call. Available 7am to midnight (AET), 7 days a week.

Do you prefer to read in languages other than English?

The Multicultural Centre for Women's Health has a catalogue of health resources for women, available in multiple community languages.

Looking for information for Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander people?

SMS4dads helps First Nations Dads connect with their bub, support mum and look after themselves.

Visit Birthing on Country for information on projects that support Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander babies and their families.

Looking for information for sexually and gender-diverse families?

QLife offers anonymous peer support and referral for the sexually and gender-diverse community — call 1800 184 527 or access their webchat from 3pm to midnight every day.

Visit Rainbow Families to find resources for sexually and gender-diverse families.