Different people react differently to having a miscarriage. Some people feel the loss very strongly, while others do not. Some will feel relieved, but may feel guilty about those feelings.

Feelings of grief are very common. Grief can be both a physical and emotional experience.

Other common emotions include sadness, numbness, anger, denial and disappointment.

Many women wonder if something they did caused the miscarriage.

It is important to realise that there is usually nothing that could have been done to prevent the miscarriage and that the cause may never be known.

Your feelings about your miscarriage may change over time. Important dates such as the expected due date or the anniversary of the miscarriage can be upsetting.

The effect of a miscarriage on you and your partner

At the time of a miscarriage, you may find your relationship with your partner is strengthened, but some people find that their relationship suffers.

You may feel angry or frustrated if your partner does not appear to react the way you think they should. Your partner’s reaction to the miscarriage may be similar or different to yours, and it is important to remember there is no right or wrong way to react.

You and your partner can provide valuable support for each other, so it is important to keep talking and to seek professional help if you are struggling.

Read more about fathers and miscarriage.

Support services

Many women and their partners find counselling and support services helpful after a miscarriage. It is very important to ask for help if you have strong feelings of sadness or depression.

Your hospital should be able to provide details of available support services. For example, your hospital may offer bereavement support.

You can also get advice about support services from:

• your doctor or midwife
• other health professionals, such as grief counsellors or social workers
• your family and friends

You may feel reluctant to discuss your miscarriage with family and friends, particularly if you had not yet told them about the pregnancy. Some people feel that their friends and relatives do not understand the significance of their loss. If you feel this way, professional support services or support organisations may be more helpful for you.

Call Pregnancy, Birth and Baby on 1800 882 436, 7am to midnight (AET) to speak to a maternal child health nurse for advice and emotional support.

Red Nose Grief and Loss provides support for miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death. Call their support line on 1300 308 307, available 24 hours a day.

More information

Read more about miscarriage:

• What is a miscarriage?
• What happens after a miscarriage
• What really happens during a miscarriage
• Fathers and miscarriage
• Experiencing a pregnancy loss